


Past Dirk, Now Dirk

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Gay Character, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long after the events of the Game, the kids now grown up still like to meet up, but there is a lot of history between Roxy and Dirk, which is complicated somewhat by Dirk's boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past Dirk, Now Dirk

Roxy went into the kitchen and cut herself some cucumber for sandwiches, she watched the knife go in with the slight imperceptible sound of the green skin breaking and the pale flesh splitting. She ended up cutting considerably more then she had any intention of eating, but that was no matter as it gave her a little time to think. Out in the lounge the boys were talking softly. She couldn't hear words, but the general cadence of the conversation was calm and relaxed.  
  
Dirk lounged on the couch with Jake sat primly next to him. When Roxy returned she could tell that they had been closer when she left the room, and no doubt Jake had shuffled a little way away from Dirk for the sake of propriety or to spare her feelings. It was silly of him, and she told him so plainly, because they were quite obviously perfect together.  
  
Their little reunions were rarer in recent years then they had been but they didn't seem any less close for all that. As ever conversation drifted back towards their experiences in the Game and how it had been for them all. It was really the one binding constant in their lives and without it there would have been very little to discuss. Roxy certainly didn't need to know about Jake's latest project or whatever Dirk was getting up to; and she was sure that they didn't particularly care about the results she would be presenting in symposium in the spring.  
  
Jake had a slightly pained expression and Roxy picked up on it, she realised it was not her but the glass in her hand that he kept glancing at. It annoyed her really that he wouldn't just come out and ask her whether she was drinking again, it really wasn't any of his business but she would have been happy to let him know that she was more then able to enjoy the occasional one without it turning into a regular ten. Again.  
  
She had made up a room for them of course, and Jake was the first to suggest catching a little sleep. Roxy ribbed him a little for that, but they were none of them as young as they had been and besides there wasn't much point in staying up all night chattering when they had the whole weekend. Roxy turned out the lights after they went and retired to the kitchen to do a little cleaning up. She wasn't tired and she hated waking up to washing left undone. Jake and Dirk were left to get ready for bed in their room. Dirk pulled his shirt off and smiled lopsidedly as Jake did the same and neatly folded his shirt over a chair.  
“Long day huh?” Dirk asked, stretching.  
“Yeah I know, I can't stand sitting in traffic for hours on end.”  
“Welp. You didn't have to, you know it would have been cool if you wanted to stay back.”  
“You mean if I didn't want to see Roxy?”  
“Mm,”  
“It's all right, I wanted to come. We need to do this more, we used to be up every Christmas and Easter.”  
“Yeah,”  
“When was it we had that, uh, the mulled wine? You remember when you did a ham?”  
“Two years? Was it?”  
“Three I think. I think that was the last time we all had a proper meal together.”  
“What about tonight?”  
“Doesn't count. Proper meal, not sandwiches. Besides, Roxy wasn't exactly eating much.”  
Dirk nodded and walked around the bed, taking Jake's glasses off his nose and kissing the space between his eyes, “so?”  
Jake just stared at him.  
“So?” Dirk asked again. Jake tilted his head slightly, with a slightly pained expression, “what?”  
You know.”  
“Know what.”  
“She's drinking again,” said Jake flatly.  
“I dunno, it was, like, literally just a glass or two.”  
“Three, and double shots.”  
“Oh come on.”  
“Listen,” Jake sighed and wrapped his arms lazily around Dirk's middle, “maybe it's nothing yeah? But I'd hate to think I just ignored it if it wasn't nothing, you know?”  
“Want me to talk to her?”  
Jake smiled, “would you?”  
“Not going to be jealous? Me and the ex, in a dark room?”  
“Mm, I'm not too worried. I don't think she's man enough for you.”  
Dirk just grinned and ran his tongue up the side of Jake's jaw, revelling in the ticklish feel of tomorrow's stubble on the tip of his tongue, “sure, okay.”  
  
Jake smiled and belly-flopped onto the bed, while Dirk walked out, pulling a robe around his shoulders. He came into the lounge as Roxy was walking into the kitchen with a small stack of plates and a glass in one hand. He stood in the doorway just occupying space and watching her for a moment while she ran the water over the plates in the sink and took a sip from her glass.   
“Hey, Rox.”  
“Shit! Oh, shit, Dirk, hey. You scared me.”  
“Yeah, I get that a lot. I'm a dark fuckin' horse.”  
Roxy smiled wanly. “What is it?”  
“Nothing. Just wanted to say hey. And you know, let you know we're really glad to be here.”  
“Thanks.”  
“It's good of you to put us up, didn't want to be a bother.”  
“It's no bother, you know that.” She paused, “I think I even still got some of your clothes around if you need something fresh for the morning.”  
“No shit?”  
“Sure. I never throw stuff out, you know what I'm like.”  
“Yeah,” he looked around slowly, at a loss for words.  
“Dirk?”  
“What?”  
“What is it really? You're looking like you've got something on your mind.”  
“No, no it's nothin' really. I was just remembering shit.”  
“Old times, Dirk.”  
“Good times, though.”  
“We were just kids.”  
“So?”  
“Yeah, so we grew up Dirk. What's on your mind?”  
Dirk just shrugged again and smiled wryly as she pushed past him, “makin' sure you're okay.”  
  
Roxy stopped in the middle of the lounge, she was in darkness but a slice of moonlight across the carpet outlined her to view. She ran a hand through her hair once, before drawing her arms together to cross at her chest.  
  
“Shit Dirk, what kind of question is that anyway?”  
“Just making sure you're okay.”  
  
He saw her silhouette move as her head tilted down, she covered her mouth with her hand and just stood like that for a moment. He was silent, he barely even breathed.  
  
“Yes Dirk, I am really okay.”  
“It's just, I mean, I saw you have a couple tonight.”  
“So?”  
“Rox.”  
“Oh fucking- come on, Dirk! What did you even expect, I was just going to be like you left me?”  
“What's that even supposed to mean?”  
“I'm not a fucking toy, you don't put me on a shelf and I'm just waiting for you when you come around.”  
“Jesus Rox, chill it yeah?”  
  
She turned around, he knew she was glaring at him but he could only see a roughly woman shaped black mass in the middle of the dark room and he stood up straight in the doorway to the kitchen. He was suddenly very aware that he was just stood there in a stupid borrowed robe with nothing to say.  
  
“Fuck, it's okay. I'm not off the wagon or anything. Just a couple tonight, that's all.”  
“You sure Rox?”  
“Jesus Dirk,” she sighed deeply, he saw her head shake, “Jesus.”  
“What? I can't be fucking concerned? I can't show a little basic fucking decency?”  
“No! That's not what this is!”  
“What is it then?”  
“You wanna think you just fixed me, because then it's okay that you had to fucking... leave, and go off and be gay. Well I'm still fixed so don't sweat it Dirk.”  
“Jesus!”  
“Stop saying that.”  
“Well what am I supposed to even say to that?”  
“It's true isn't it? You were so glad when I got cleaned up,”  
“Of course I was glad! Why wouldn't I be fuckin' glad you got your shit together?”  
He heard her sniff wetly and rub her hand at her nose. “You just want me to be okay so you can think it's not a big deal you left.”  
  
He was taken aback, it was a whole lot to come out all at once, and he hadn't prepared for this. He had pushed it to the back of his mind and, in truth, she was entirely right. Seeing her sober had made it easier to leave her, he just couldn't have done it when she was still the way she used to be.  
  
“Stop being so fucking mysterious and cool for once and say something,” she whispered.  
“I don't have anything to say,”  
“You don't get to drag shit up again and not even have something to say about it!”  
“I just, I don't know, I can't say things, there's nothing.”  
“Oh Christ Dirk, why don't you ever know what to say whenever I really need you to talk?”  
“I didn't even bring all this up, this is all you.”  
“Oh,” she sighed again, a little dramatically he thought, “fuck you, Dirk.”  
  
He just stood there leaning against the door frame, bouncing his back against it gently while he thought. She stared at him for a few minutes, before going back to collapse into her armchair with a low groan. Lacking anything else to do, he sat down on the couch diagonally opposite her, cupping his hands in his lap and fiddling with his fingertips. She didn't speak for a long while, lost in a vague dream and staring at the wall, until finally she acknowledged him with a nod.  
  
“You are looking good, you know.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Mm. Jake's good for you.”  
“I guess.”  
“Relax,” she sighed, “it's okay. I know you're crazy about him. I guess if you can't be with me, I'm glad you're with someone who;s good for you at least.”  
“He's a good guy.”  
“He's the best guy, always has been. Don't fuck him over Dirk.”  
“You mean like I did to you?”  
She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, “No. Yeah, I don't know. You didn't fuck me up Dirk you just,” she paused, “it's been really hard sometimes.”  
“Look, Rox-”  
“No! No it's okay really. Look, you really didn't fuck me up I wasn't kidding, you don't have to get all Dirk Strider about it and sort shit out, honestly. I miss you is all. Fuck, I'm still into you, you know?  
He smiled pointedly and stretched out, “yeah?”  
“Fuck, you know I am. That's just my shit to work out though, it's nothing you need to worry about.”  
“Did you ever....?”  
“What?”  
“Has there been anyone else?”  
“Since you, you mean?”  
“Yeah.”  
She smirked, “a lady never tells, right?”  
“You ain't no lady, lady.”  
She suppressed a giggle that turned into a snort, “what do you know about ladies, you're a big ole queer.”  
Dirk wiggled his eyebrows and smiled broadly, “ain't too hard to understand really.”  
“Oh sure, big Dirk Strider, still knows how to get all the girls. Tell it to your boyfriend.”  
  
They both started to laugh, it was a throwback to how they had been together snarking relentlessly and collapsing in fits of giggles. The laughing subsided naturally and they were left just looking at each other.  
“Hey Dirk,”  
“Mm?”  
“Okay, confession time, I've been spilling it so it's your turn- you miss me?”  
“Ahh come on,”  
“Seriously!”  
“Well, sure. Yeah I miss you, of course I do. I didn't leave 'cause I didn't like you or something you know.”  
“Yeah you liked me, but how much did you love me?”  
“Hey, unfair.”  
“Oh yeah? How unfair? I mean you said it enough times, so what's wrong with asking if you meant it?”  
“You really want to know?”  
She took a breath, “yeah I really do.”  
He leaned forwards to balance his forearms on his knees, letting his hands dangle between them and she sat up attentively.  
“Yes, I really did, for real, love you. Still do too.”  
“Still crazy about me, too?”  
He grinned wryly, “not as much as I am for Jake.”  
“Well sure, but throw me a bone here.”  
“Yeah, I still am I guess. Shit Rox, I never stopped feeling like that about you, it's not like I just turned it all off one day.”  
“Yeah. And I get it, I mean, I understand and all, I know you have to be what you got to be, I'm not going to give you shit about it just because you like Jake.”  
“Thanks.”  
She grinned and chuckled, “I'm really glad you two are working out.”  
“We really are.”  
“Hey. Sorry for being all blarrgh back there.”  
“It's okay Rox, seriously.”  
“We're still good, right?”  
“You know it girl.”  
“You really hurt me bad.”  
“I- know.”  
“But it's getting better.”  
“Promise?”  
“Sure, promise.”  
“Okay.”  
“There's one thing you can to to make it better though.”  
“Yeah? Sure.”  
“Okay, next time you're getting it on with Jake, when it's getting all... super gay...”  
“Mhm?”  
“Can I watch?”  
  
They both started to laugh, honestly. Dirk reached over and laid his hand on Roxy's, she wiped at her eyes where a tear or two had formed and turned her hand over to squeeze his fingers.  
“I love you, ya big queer.”  
“Love you too, ya lush.”   
  
Dirk lifted her hand and kissed her knuckle, she smiled and batted her eyelashes like a classy belle. They laughed and stood up, and before going to their respective beds shared a last kiss.


End file.
